Bitter Reminisces
by solaesce
Summary: Written BEFORE the Deathly Hallows: She hated her.  She hated her so much.  Everyone knew that.  But did she?  Really?  Or was it another emotion?  Petunia's POV


This was written before the Deathly Hallows, so yes, I know that it doesn't match. I just never had the time to post it, and yes, I would also appreciate it if no one told me that because _I already know_.

**Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling, would I write here? No.**

_Reminisce of Childhood Regrets AKA Jealousy_

I was jealous. I admit that now.

Now, I'm just a bitter old woman.

When Lily and I were younger, we were the best of friends. We told each other secrets that we would never tell anyone else; we played with each other, and stayed by each other's side, no matter what.

Then, Lily, the perfect, sweet little child that she was, had to be _different. _ She had to be a _witch_.

I think that maybe, just maybe, I should have known that she was different now that I think about it.

Our mother had green eyes, just like Lily, but she had had black hair, whereas our father had blond hair and hazel eyes. But somehow, Lily had to be the most perfectly beautiful, sweet, shy child with _red _hair _and_ green eyes. Just like our great aunt whom we had never met, but my mother liked to reminisce fondly about her eccentricity.

But the thing is, for all that she was shy, whenever she got angry, you would _feel_ frightened.

After she went to that – that _Hogwarts_, it was as though she was disappearing through a mirror. After all, what was the wizarding world, but a magical version of the _muggle _world?

And Lily never realized. Never realized that she was practically ignoring the muggle world. Hell, she never realized that she forgot me!

I think that was when I truly started to dislike magic, because it was kind of taking my sister away from me. Slowly, that dislike dissolved into hate. And it really didn't help that _I _couldn't do any of the things she could no matter how hard I tried.

Then, when I was 16 or so, I was courted by a couple of boys. Back then, Vernon was thinner, and he was nearly shy, though once he knew me better, he got bolder.

Whenever Lily came home, no _visited_, our house, she would leave for weeks without end to one of her little magic friends.

And then, whenever she _was_ home, she would never stop talking about Hogwarts and all of the _fascinating_ magical world!

When I _finally _got the chance to introduce her to my friends, she pretty much looked at them and sniffed. When we went back home she was like, "That Vernon Dursley is your boyfriend!? You deserve so much better than that!"

I simply _exploded_, "How would you know what kind of people my friends are, eh!? You aren't home anyways! Why the hell would who I date matter to _you_, eh?"

That was when we practically became strangers to each other.

Later on, when Lily was 15 and I was 17 or so, our parents died. _Murdered, _by those, those _Death Eater_ freaks. Or Dead Monkeys, as my nephew calls them now.

Since Lily was a witch, the Aurors came and informed me that since I was a _muggle_, I had to go to an orphanage, but Lily _obviously _didn't.

The Auror practically looked down his nose on me as he called my name. "Petunia Marissa Evans, since you are a _Muggle_, you must go to an orphanage, until you are legally of age in _your _world. However, you should know that the deaths of your parents were caused by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Your sister, being the _witch_ that she is, may choose to forfeit the wizard world and live with you, or she may go back to Hogwarts and live there."

Then he sneered. "I assume that you know of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Well no matter, I am a busy man and your sister will tell you."

Then he left. I just sat there, numb. When his words finally sank in, I jumped up and ran off to where Lily was in the other room. The Auror had just left and was walking out.

I ran up to her and sank down to my knees, and began _begging_, "Lily, Lily, you _can't _abandon me. You can't, you can't. _Please, please_, you've got to stay with me, you've got to. I haven't got anyone else; you've got to, you've got to. . ."

Lily had been standing there, numb, but as she heard my pleading voice, she kind of jerked. Then, she shook her head, "I've got to, Pet. I've got to. Don't you see?"

Then she turned and left.

I was stunned. I thought that she would have stayed with me, despite our now nonexistent relationship. I lost it then.

"You _can't!_ Don't you dare leave me Lily! Don't you _dare_! Lily! _Lily! _I hate you! I HATE YOU!!"

Lily looked back _once_, hesitated, and said, "It's better this way, Pet."

And we never spoke to each other again.

And now that I think about it, it wasn't _just_ her fault.

It was mine, too.


End file.
